Kill Me Before I Shoot Myself

glam00ur:

all 46 excuses on my friends wall, 

1. i was just really, really early for tomorrow

2. we can’t all be usain bolt

3. in this day and age, we shouldn’t need labels like “late”

4. i had pe first period do you blame me

5. i really, really didn’t want to sing

6. my brother thought it would be hilarious to drop me outside the prison gates

7. you can’t tell me how to live my life

8. #YOLO

9. my legs fell off and i had to roll all the way to the emergency clinic

10. there was a freak yachting accident

11. i am a fucking retard

12. this is just for my wall

13. do you even read these

14. “it does not matter how slow you go, so long as you do not stop

15. i spent my entire night writing tom daley fanfiction

16. my father left my mother for an air hostess seven years ago do you expect me to get over that emotional trauma overnight

17. sarah palin and i got into a twitter war and i couldn’t leave and let her win

18. traffic jammy jammy jam

19. how can i go to school when alex turner

20. my sim was having an emotional meltdown and i needed to be there for her

21. i was sticking it to the man

22. i spent my entire night worrying if i would ever lose my virginity 

23. fifty shades of late; i was walking and then i caught the eye of an attractive member of the opposite sex and we began exchanging significant looks and i knew we would one day make sweet love so i just walked alongside him and tried to catch his eye and to be continued

24. part two he was playing hard to get so we walked and walked and he had the perfect hair colour it was sort of beige brown anyway it turned out he was walking to a bus stop so obviously i had to catch the bus because true love and silently we rode out to papakura and into the sunset

25. my meth lab caught fire

26. my bed is more comfortable than your school will ever be

27. i was sad

28. it was a nice day, so i walked leisurely

29. i had beat my younger brother for saying “swag”

30. i had to travel back to the 1950’s to ensure my birth

31. 2 kool 4 scool

32. i had to stop, collaborate and listen

33. i tried

34. i’m sorry i’m late

      it’s not my fault

      my auntie was killed

      and i joined a cult

35. a haiku about lateness:

late late late late late

late late late late late late late

 late late late late late

36. my best friend was telling me how to give a satisfactory blow job i wish i was joking

37. i was fashionably late

38. i was caught in a flash mob true story omfg

39. i did not choose the late life, the late life chose me

40. do

41. you

42. even

43. read

44. these

45. i was fighting al qaeda

46. traffic

YESSSS IT’S ON MY DASHBOARD AGAIN

juliuscaesarofficial:

becca-morley:

history

why are there no posts about me on this 

this is an outrage

smuppetbuttfluff:

veedeerest:

leanonberger:

summersxdelight:

durianseeds:


This is Alana Thompson aka Honey Boo Boo (Child).
She received $1700 dollars in donations from fans all around the world. Instead of keeping it for herself, using it for pageants, or for something else, she purchased toys for needy children in her area.
Her family gives to the needy AND supports equality for gays? Fuck you to whoever disses her. She’s 7 and shows more compassion than most people three times her age.

She’s my queen.

That is totally for publicity!

oh my god you’re right
let’s ignore this canned food drive they held too

oh right and this? $1300 in cash donated by fans to buy just THIS image of all these toys?
and oh shi-

this extreme amount of TOYS AND FOOD donated in a SINGLE night via their Christmas meet and greets with Santa (which Sugarbear dresses as Santa in the sweltering Georgia winter heat for hours at a time)
is all
publicity
and the fact that they take pictures of themselves with the *ALL* letters and trinkets their fans send them?

oh gosh, yes, this is totally publicity

Seriously, no one has any reason to talk crap on this family. They have never done a single thing wrong and look at all of the good they do for their community.

People hate them because they are Southern, overweight, and successful while still managing to be wonderful people.

smuppetbuttfluff:

veedeerest:

leanonberger:

summersxdelight:

durianseeds:

This is Alana Thompson aka Honey Boo Boo (Child).

She received $1700 dollars in donations from fans all around the world. Instead of keeping it for herself, using it for pageants, or for something else, she purchased toys for needy children in her area.

Her family gives to the needy AND supports equality for gays? Fuck you to whoever disses her. She’s 7 and shows more compassion than most people three times her age.

She’s my queen.

That is totally for publicity!

oh my god you’re right

let’s ignore this canned food drive they held too

oh right and this? $1300 in cash donated by fans to buy just THIS image of all these toys?

and oh shi-

this extreme amount of TOYS AND FOOD donated in a SINGLE night via their Christmas meet and greets with Santa (which Sugarbear dresses as Santa in the sweltering Georgia winter heat for hours at a time)

is all

publicity

and the fact that they take pictures of themselves with the *ALL* letters and trinkets their fans send them?

oh gosh, yes, this is totally publicity

Seriously, no one has any reason to talk crap on this family. They have never done a single thing wrong and look at all of the good they do for their community.

People hate them because they are Southern, overweight, and successful while still managing to be wonderful people.

whoever reblogs this by the 4th of April will have their url written on tape and stuck throughout various parts of the world!

fresh-bloom:

fresh-bloom:

fresh-bloom:

fresh-bloom:

fresh-bloom:

My mum and dad are going to scotland, ireland, england, america, egypt and france and they are taking all that i write down with them so your url could be anywhere!

writing down all urls in 1 hour so get reblogging!

It’s going until the 4th. My brother is going so he can take more!

Haha guysss! I’m still doing all no matter how many!

24 hours left!

basedpidgeot:

janellacus:

jellysnack:

Australian cast of The Lion King sings on a plane.  Because actors are nerds no matter where they are.

Are tears what you wanted because that was fucking beautiful.

how are people just.. sat there

dajo42:

one time in an english class we were making notes about shakespeare’s life and the teacher was like “his father was a glove maker” and the guy next to me started laughing really hard so i looked over at him

his pen had stopped working before he could write “maker” so it just said “shakespeare’s father was a glove” and that was the funniest thing in the world to this guy for some reason

brigwife:

ohmywizardgodawhovian:

just expressing my anger

you forgot the most important one of all

brigwife:

ohmywizardgodawhovian:

just expressing my anger

you forgot the most important one of all

image

I googled world funniest joke and this was it

rameldrive:

avoxified:

image

iM CRYING HELP